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As parents, we focus on our teen’s worship during this blessed month, such as fasting, praying, and reading Qur’an. But, there’s an underlying spiritual relationship happening which we also need to pay attention to — their relationship with Allah. Exciting new research by Baylor University and The FYI shows that teens’ connection with Allah increases during Ramadan. Knowing this, parents can help teens set personalized goals to help maintain that connection before and after Ramadan by focusing on three areas –  self-control, compassion, and patience. Using findings from this innovative research study, this article will outline 4 research-backed tips to help teens tap into their connection with Allah and make the most of the month.

1. Focus on Allah and Character Growth

What do the study findings teach us about teens’ spiritual growth during Ramadan?

• Connection to Allah: increased in Ramadan but went back down to pre-Ramadan levels afterward.
• Self-control around doing good deeds: increased in Ramadan and remained elevated after Ramadan (but not as high as in Ramadan) → teens maintained some of their growth on this
• Patience with daily struggles: increased in Ramadan and remained elevated after Ramadan (but not as high as in Ramadan)  → teens maintained some of their growth on this
• Self-control to resist urges: increased in Ramadan but went down to pre-Ramadan levels once Ramadan ended
• Compassion: increased in Ramadan but went down to pre-Ramadan levels once Ramadan ended

So we know that teens maintain some good habits they build in Ramadan but lose steam on others. What can we do as parents to help our teens build these traits in Ramadan AND maintain them after Ramadan, once all of the reminders, community, and social support dies down? A few practical ways of doing this are  to:

• Identify Your Teen’s Strengths: Create a personalized Ramadan plan based on their individual strengths and how to build on them in this month and going forward. These are the things that will be easier for your teen to do in this month so encourage them to identify more of these actions that they can do. Consider these reflection questions to guide your discussions: 
  • Connection to Allah: In what areas is your teen’s relationship with Allah strong? His Names? Do they feel comfortable turning to Him when in need but not when things are going well? Do they know and connect?
  • Self-control in doing good: What good habits is your teen doing well at maintaining? Are they better at fasting but not reading the Qur’an? Are they better at being kind to others but not their siblings? What are they internally motivated to do–what is personal to them that they care about? 
  • Patience:  Is your teen good at staying calm in difficult situations? Or maybe they are good at teaching others. Can they find opportunities where they can use their skills in being patient to help others at home or in their community?
  • Self-control in resisting urges: What are the bad habits or temptations they are good at staying away from? What is an “easier” temptation for them to stay away from?
  • Compassion: How does your teen define compassion–more than just giving sadaqa (donations)? What are some ways in which they find it easier to practice compassion? Can they choose one or two to practice consistently in Ramadan?
• Acknowledge Your Teen’s Limits and Plan Around Them– Since these traits tend to decline after Ramadan, it’s important to acknowledge your teen’s limitations so that you can help them plan for this dip now before the month is done. Practicing understanding around your teen’s potential challenges and limits can encourage them to practice their own self-compassion if they fall short of their goals. Some guiding questions for reflection and planning:
  • Connection to Allah:  Are there specific times or settings where your teen feels disconnected from Allah? What alternate activities can they do in Ramadan to help counter this disconnect?
    • How does your teen see prayer? As an obligation or an opportunity to connect with Allah? Are there age-appropriate Islamic resources you can share to help them take advantage of prayer to strengthen their connection?
  • Self-control in doing good: What good deeds does your teen struggle to do? Can they involve others to create a “good habits” challenge? For example, if they find it difficult to volunteer in their free time, can they compete with friends or families to gain points for helping others? 
  • Patience: When is your teen most impatient? Is it when they’re tired, hungry, or overwhelmed? Can you work together to create a plan of action for when your teen finds it hard to be patient?
  • Self-control in resisting urges: What things does your teen find most difficult to stay away from? How can you and other family members support and encourage them if they slip back into these bad habits?
  • Compassion: In what situations does your teen show the least compassion? How can they start thinking of these situations as opportunities to gain good deeds instead? How can they start thinking kinder of themselves to practice being kinder to others?

2. Set Clear Intentions

To make sure teens are internally motivated for their own growth during this month, encourage them to set their intentions. The Prophet (S) said “Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended…” Think of these intentions as seeds – one has to plant them firmly to see them grow. So what does planting the seeds look like?

• Ground Intentions In Connection with Allah –  It’s essential for teens to set intentions with the purpose of helping them grow in their connection to Allah. Because Allah is the source of power and strength, maintaining a connection with Him can help build your teen’s spiritual endurance beyond Ramadan.
• Talk It Out  – Discuss with your teens how they’d like to connect more with Allah, be more patient, have more self-control, and be more compassionate during the Holy Month. Do not minimize their goals and instead show encouragement at their desires.
• Write It Down – Larger goals can be broken down into smaller, more manageable ones. From here, parents can suggest that teens write their goals down and put them in a visible but personal place like a bedroom wall or a phone screensaver to be viewed regularly.  

3. Seek Accountability

One way to cement a habit and prevent the post-Ramadan dip is to create accountability with others. It can also help teens maximize the communal aspect of Ramadan and set up a support system for resisting urges outside of Ramadan.

• Find Accountability Partners –  Because young people tend to be more influenced by their peers, Ramadan presents a great opportunity for young Muslims to support each other in doing good. The Quran says, “And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers” (Quran 51:55). As teens are thinking about their goals for  Ramadan, encourage them to also think about friends or family members they can partner up with and check in with regularly to help them stick to their goals.
• Download a Goal-Setting App – Young people with access to mobile devices can keep track of their goals with one of the many goal-setting apps available online. Several of these are specifically designed to track various habits in Ramadan. Whatever the method of accountability teens choose, having additional support during Ramadan can help them stay motivated and strengthen their connection with Allah.

4. Reflect and Adjust

The research shows that growth can happen but it requires reflection and being internally driven. When we focus on our personal progress, we aren’t focused on the progress of others. We’re able to see what is and isn’t working in our lives and find motivation to keep improving. So how can your teen benefit from these findings?

• Self-assess – Because the researchers looked at teens’ behavior before, during, and after Ramadan, they were able to see progress over time. Teens can do the same by keeping track of their Ramadan goals in a journal. Writing down their thoughts about their goals doesn’t have to take much time–the goal is to get them to pay attention and assess their own progress. Focusing on one entry for each period may be enough to see a change. And if keeping a journal isn’t something teens are used to, journaling apps can work just as well.
• It’s a Marathon–not a Sprint: If we think of Ramadan as a race, it makes sense that certain actions done during the month can decline when the month is over. Since the findings show us that there will be a post-Ramadan dip–what can we put into place now to help teens build their endurance?
  • Set smaller goals that build up to bigger goals that are continued beyond Ramadan
  • Think of the time between each Ramadan as “training” time. What are teens carrying with them into their lives post-Ramadan that they will keep practicing and building on until the next Ramadan?

By helping your teen to build good practices gradually, you can help them experience fewer challenges maintaining their connection with Allah before, during, and after Ramadan.

Conclusion

One of the benefits of Ramadan is that it sets us up for long-term self-improvement and continued connection with Allah. The habits we develop throughout the Holy month may become lifelong habits if we’re intentional. For young people who are still developing a sense of self,  the opportunity to improve is even greater. By focusing on 3 traits that ultimately increase connection to Allah–patience, self-control, and compassion – parents and teens can set realistic goals to prepare for Ramadan and beyond.

To hear more about The FYI’s research on adolescents’ experience with Ramadan, check out episodes one and two of The FYI’s With That In Mind podcast. In these episodes, you can hear from one of the researchers about how the study was conducted and learn more about key findings. And if you’d like to learn more ways to prepare yourself and your family for Ramadan, you can check out The FYI’s Ramadan toolkit.

Please note: The FYI team selected relevant resources from a variety of platforms while keeping cultural and religious sensitivities in mind. Content and views expressed on these platforms do not necessarily reflect the vision and views of The FYI.

This uses research from a study done by Drs. Merve Balkaya-Ince and Dr. Madiha Tahseen and colleagues titled, “Does Ramadan Serve as a Naturalistic Intervention to Promote Muslim American Adolescents’ Daily Virtues? Evidence from a Three Wave Experience Sampling Study.”

Sources

Alghafli, Z., Hatch, T. G., Rose, A. H., Abo-Zena, M. M., Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2019). A Qualitative Study of Ramadan: A Month of Fasting, Family, and Faith. Religions, 10(2), 123. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel10020123

Balkaya-Ince, M., Tahseen, M., Umarji, O., & Schnitker, S. A. (2023). Does Ramadan serve as a naturalistic intervention to promote Muslim American adolescents’ daily virtues? Evidence from a three wave experience sampling study. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 19(5), 801–816. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2023.2169631

Positive Islamic Affirmations Inspired by Quran. (2022, December 15). Quran CoTM. https://quranco.uk/blogs/quran-blog-media/positive-islamic-affirmations-inspired-by-quran?srsltid=AfmBOopLgHj290qooZWEyjxGish9UD05mwsB9rS_XEgsxTxEtHjZ7MVA

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Suleiman, O. (2024). Virtues of Shaban: How to Prepare for Ramadan Spiritually | Blog | Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research. Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research. https://yaqeeninstitute.org/read/post/virtues-of-shaban-how-to-prepare-for-ramadan-spiritually

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