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Hayaa

Hayaa

What does it mean to have hayaa’?

Similar to sabr, hayaa’ is often mistakenly translated to reflect modesty or even shame. However, hayaa’ is a much more comprehensive virtue capturing the desire to take the higher road, act with ishaan (perfection) and constantly checking oneself to be in a higher state of faith and fitrah. In this toolkit, we will not use modesty or shame–rather, we will use the term hayaa to reflect the following:

  • Conscientiousness, shame, modesty, bashfulness, and all related feelings that deter a person from behaving indecently (Elshinawy, 2023)
  • Natural and Nurtured components
    • Natural = natural feeling created in all souls, born with it, feel it when we do something wrong, fitrah, inborn
    • Nurtured = avoiding doing bad out of fear of God, cultivated over time, can become as natural as inborn
  • Hayaa’ of guilt: this concept reflects the shyness one feels in front of Allah–in displeasing Him when committing sins. It serves as a gauge by which believer can discern between vice and virtue
  • Hayaa’ of humility: this refers to the internal process of self-evaluation, in which the believer is aware of one’s shortcomings
  • Hayaa’ of chastity: this refers to external and internal modesty, having dignity in one’s thoughts, action, dress

Note: Check out this article for more on these dimensions of hayaa’.

  • The cognitive hypothesis of “self-knowledge”: being able to seek objective and accurate self-knowledge–being able to correctly view strengths and weaknesses. 
  • The motivation hypothesis of “social oil”: hayaa’ in creating, regulating, and maintaining harmonious interpersonal relationships
  • How to build shame resilience (Brown)
    • Learn to recognize and understand your shame triggers.
    • Develop high levels of critical awareness about your web of shame.
    • Be willing to reach out to others.
    • Become able to speak about shame.

What does Allah and His Prophet(s) say about having hayaa’?

Hayaa’ towards Allah

  • Call upon your Lord humbly and privately. He does not love the aggressors.[7:55]
    • And remember your Lord within yourself, humbly and fearfully, and quietly, in the morning and the evening, and do not be of the neglectful.[7:205]
    • Successful are the believers.  Those who are humble in their prayers.[23:1-2]
  • As for those who believe and do good deeds, and humble themselves before their Lord—these are the inhabitants of Paradise, where they will abide forever.[11:23]
  • Allah is indeed ḥayī and generous; when a person raises their hands to Him [in supplication], He is too shy to send them back empty and disappointed.” (Tirmidhi)
    • “Allah is indeed ḥayī and sittīr (concealment); He loves ḥayāʾ and sitr. Hence, when one of you bathes, he must conceal himself.’ (An-Nasai)
  • Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Be modest in front of Allah for He has a right to your modesty.” We said, “O Messenger of Allah, we have modesty. All praise is due to Allah.” The Prophet said: “That is not what I meant. Having modesty with Allah is to protect the mind and what runs through it, to protect the stomach and what fills it, and to remember death and trials. Whoever wants the Hereafter should leave the ostentation of the worldly life, so whoever acts like this has been modest with Allah as is His right.”  [Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2458]
  • The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah is more deserving of modesty than people are.” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]
  • Narrated Abu Mus’ud: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “One of the sayings of the prophets which the people have got is, ‘If you do not feel ashamed, then do whatever you like.” (Bukhari 3484)

Hayaa’ towards People

  • And do not treat people with arrogance, nor walk proudly on earth. God does not love the arrogant showoffs.[31:18]
  • The servants of the Merciful are those who walk the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, “Peace.” [25:63]
  •  “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms…” (24:31).
  • Then, one of the two women approached him, walking bashfully. She said, “My father is calling you, to reward you for drawing water for us.” And when he came to him, and told him the story, he said, “Do not fear, you have escaped from the wrongdoing people.” (28:25)
  • “The ˹true˺ servants of the Most Compassionate are those who walk on the earth humbly, and when the foolish address them ˹improperly˺, they only respond with peace.” [Surah Al-Furqan: 25;63]
  • Verily, Allah has revealed to me that you must be humble towards one another, so that no one wrongs another or arrogantly boasts to another. (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2865)
  • Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “No one who has the weight of a seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” Someone said, “Indeed, a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes.” So the Prophet said: Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people. [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 91]
  • …and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah but that Allah raises his status. [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2588]
  • The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “There is no human being but that upon his head are reins in the hands of an angel. When he shows humility, the angel is ordered to lift his reins to raise him up. When he shows arrogance, the angel is ordered to fasten his reins to humble him.” [Source: al-Muʻjam al-Kabīr 12771]
  • ‘O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity, and whoever cannot then he should fast, for it will be a restraint (wija’) for him.’ (Source)
  • Modesty does not bring anything except goodness. [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 37]
  • When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes defective; and when haya is a part of anything it becomes beautiful. [At-Tirmidhee] 
  • “Ḥayāʾ is from faith, and faith is in Paradise. And vulgarity is from callousness, and callousness is in the Hellfire.” (Tirmidhi)
  • “Ḥayāʾ and speechlessness are two branches of faith, and vulgarity and eloquence are two branches of hypocrisy. (Tirmidhi)
  • “Every religion has its signature character trait, and the signature character trait of Islam is ḥayāʾ (modesty).” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
  • “Ḥayāʾand faith have been paired together whereby if one is removed, the other is removed as well.” (See Yaqeen article)
  • Ashaj ibn Asr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to me: “Verily, you have two qualities which are loved by Allah the Exalted.”  I said, “What are they?” The Prophet said: “Forbearance and modesty.” [Source: Musnad Aḥmad 17373]
  • “One of the sayings of the prophets which the people have got is, ‘If you do not feel ashamed, then do whatever you like.”

In this section, you’ll find stories from Islamic history, the seerah, and role models that embody this virtue.

  • Hayaa towards Allah – Prophet’s negotiation of Salah during Isra wal Mi’raj 
    • The Prophet’s negotiation of the prayer frequency was driven by his concern for the well-being of his followers. He realized that fifty daily prayers might be a heavy burden for the common people. His hayaa led him to seek a more practical and manageable schedule.
  • Lowering gaze from God
    • Muʿāwiyah b. Aws said, “I saw Hishām b. ʿAmmār. When he would walk, his gaze would be lowered to the ground, and he would never lift his head to the sky out of ḥayāʾ of Allah, the Mighty and Majestic.” Lowering his gaze is a sign of humility and modesty. It shows that Hishām was conscious of his own limitations and avoided arrogance or pride.
  • Hayaa towards People
    • Musa was a man of intense Hayaa:
      1. In this article, you can find many instances of the different ways that Prophet Musa exhibits Hayaa. 
      2. In this article, you’ll learn about how the women interacting with Prophet Musa also exhibit Hayaa 
    • Uthman b. ʿAffān- who even the angels were shy from
      1. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ attested to this himself, saying, “The most genuine of my nation in ḥayāʾ is ʿUthmān.” It was so intense that it elicited the hayā’ of the people and angels around him.

In this section, you’ll find activities that teach the virtue and help youth put the virtue into action along with discussion questions.

  1. Humility Reflection for teens
    • Goal:
      • Self-reflective activity assists youth in cultivating humility by orienting them toward others and helping them become more flexible and adaptable
    • Activity:
      • Steps on website
    • Discussion Question:
      • What does humility mean to you—and how is it different from putting yourself down?
      • How can we remind ourselves to stay humble when we succeed or get praised?
      • Why is it sometimes hard to admit when we’re wrong or don’t know something? What’s at stake for us?
  2. The Humble Brag Activity
    • Goal:
      • Teach the difference between bragging and humility
    • Activity:
      • Have your youth think of a personal accomplishment or talent they are proud of and ask them to share with their partner or group in a humble and non-bragging way
    • Discussion Question:
      • How did it feel to share your accomplishment in a humble way? Did you find it challenging or easy?
      • What are some strategies you can use to avoid bragging in the future?
      • Can you think of any situations where it might be appropriate to share your accomplishments? When is it not appropriate?
      • How can bragging affect relationships with peers and teachers?
      • Why is it important to be aware of the feelings of others when discussing personal achievements?
  3. How to be humble – Note: Needs to be adopted for older youth
    • Goal:
      • To help visually and experientially understand the contrast between humility and arrogance
    • Activity:
      • Using the classic combination of baking soda and vinegar, your youth will explore what happens when we have humility and then add arrogance to the mix.
    •  Discussion Question:
      • How does humility change the way we react to success, criticism, or conflict? What does arrogance add to that reaction?
      • Why is humility sometimes misunderstood as weakness or low self-worth—when in Islam it’s actually a strength?
  4. Exploring Modesty for Muslim Sisters
    • Goal:
      • Teach Islamic lesson on modesty for sisters complete with Powerpoint presentations and downloadable links
    • Activity:
      • see link for more information
    • Discussion Question:
      • What comes to mind when you hear the word modesty? How has that view been shaped—by family, culture, or media?
      • How can we support one another as Muslim sisters in practicing modesty without judgment or pressure?
      • What are ways to express your identity and creativity while still honoring Islamic modesty?
  5. Doing good deeds in secret
    • Goal:
      • Teach that modesty is also in not saying everything we do
    • Activity:
      • Share the story of Omar following Abu Bakr who was helping youth- Abu Bakr being silent about the deed and not saying it to his closest friends
        • Challenge the youth to come up with their own secret good deed that they do only for Allah’s sake without telling anyone.
    • Discussion Question:
      • Why do you think it’s hard to keep a good deed a secret? What feelings or fears come up?
      • What do you think happens to your intention when you tell others about the good you’ve done?
      • Can you think of a time when someone helped you quietly or anonymously? How did that impact you?
      • How does this relate to the Islamic concept of ikhlas (sincerity)? What’s the connection between modesty and sincerity?
  6. Interactions with opposite genders should be PPL (Public-Purposeful-Limited)
    • Goal:
      • Teach youth about PPL
    • Activity:
      • Discuss with the youth how self-discipline with other gender applies:
        • In social in-person settings
        • Social media scenarios
    • Discussion Question:
      • Why do you think Islam emphasizes boundaries between genders—especially during youth?
      • What challenges do you face with opposite-gender interactions—online or in person—and how can you navigate them respectfully?
      • What’s the difference between respectful communication and flirting? Where’s the line?
  7. Other activities to develop hayaa’
    • Recalling Allah’s favors upon you and how does that make you humble and full of hayaa’?
    • Help youth how recognize it first using movie clips; Then ask, what’s an instance where you could practice that same thing in your own life

In this section, you’ll find Dua’s that can help youth connect to Allah through Dua. They can recite these duaa during activities or in their daily lives to be granted these virtues.

  • O Allah, I ask You for guidance and piety, and abstinence (from the unlawful) and modesty, and contentment and sufficiency. (Muslim)

In this section, we’ve provided deep reflection questions you can use to help youth check-in with themselves on each virtue and do a self-assessment of their own growth.

  • Share with the group your advice on how to look fashionable, yet modest.
    • Why is it important to dress modestly?
  • Share examples of modest celebrities. What do you admire about their style?
  • “What happens when you don’t have Hayaa in your life” – discussion on the consequences of lacking hayaa in life
  • How would you want others to behave towards your mother, sister, etc?
  • Reflect on how we use our limbs/organs (eyes, etc) as they will testify against us on the Day of Judgement.  (what we consume..) 
  • Mujāhid b. Jabr used to say, “If a Muslim does not benefit anything from his brother, except that his ḥayāʾ from him keeps him from sinning, that is sufficient.”
    • What does this mean?

Cited Sources and Additional Resources:

Zakat eligibility of The FYI

The Family & Youth Institute, or The FYI, is a well-known Muslim organization in the United States. It works to promote mental health and wellness by strengthening and empowering individuals, families, and communities through research and education. It has been working for many years to bring Islamic perspectives to understanding and promoting mental health in our communities.

It is dedicated to serving and supporting Muslims – safeguarding our deen, our families, and our future generations. Therefore, the work of The FYI comes in the category of ‘fi sabeelillah’ or the Path of Allah, within the eight categories where Zakat money can be used.

“Zakah expenditures are only for the poor and for the needy and for those employed for it and for bringing hearts together [for Islam] and for freeing captives [or slaves] and for those in debt and for the cause of Allah, and for the [stranded] traveler – an obligation [imposed] by Allah, And Allah, is Knowing and Wise.”
(Al-Tawbah 9:60)

According to scholars who widen the meaning of fee sabeelillah to include any activities that promote Islamic growth, The FYI is indeed eligible to receive part of the Zakat funds for its programs and services. I urge Muslims in America to support this organization through their donations, general charity, and through their Zakat. I ask Allah swt to strengthen and guide The FYI to continue its good work in supporting Muslims.

Shaikh Ali Suleiman Ali, PhD

About Shaikh Ali

Sh. Ali Suleiman Ali was born in Ghana where he spent his childhood studying with various Muslim scholars. He then moved to Saudi Arabia and enrolled in the Islamic University of Madina.  He graduated with a degree in both Arabic and Islamic Studies. Dr. Ali went on to complete his Ph.D. in Islamic Studies at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.

Sh. Ali serves on the Advisory Council of The Family & Youth Institute. He is the Senior Imam and Director of the Muslim Community of Western Suburbs in Canton, Michigan. Additionally, he serves as the Director of Muslim Family Services in Detroit and is a council member of the Fiqh Council of North America (FCNA). He is also a member of the North American Imams Federation (NAIF) and the Association of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA).

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