After a Divorce
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Going through a divorce may leave you navigating many emotions, from anxiety about what’s to come to sadness over what’s been lost to even joy at breaking away from a negative situation. Healthy coping strategies and reliance on Allah (swt) can help you come out of this process and move forward with positivity. Refer to this section for how to navigate stressors you may be facing after divorce. For more resources, check out The FYI’s Divorce Support Toolkit.
Coping With the Breakup
Healthy ways to cope after a divorce
*Note: Divorce is not a linear process–it’s a transition from the beginning to the very end, and even many years after. You may find yourself coming back to this section even after you have obtained the divorce and that’s okay–be kind to yourself as you move through this transition.
Allow yourself to grieve over your relationship and cope in healthy ways. Recognize that you will be going through many different stages of divorce — understand these stages and the coping strategy you need to use in each stage. Choose to cope in healthy ways and care for yourself emotionally and physically.
- Engage in these steps to cope with an affair and a divorce
- “Your Lord has not forsaken you” – learn how to cope with the trauma you’ve been through and how it can impact your faith
- Let go of the shame associated with divorce
- Try the strategies to cope with the stress post-divorce:
- Share in the responsibility
- Recognize emotional immaturity and protect your emotional space
- Seek support and know how to ask others for help
- Prepare your divorce elevator speech for those you want to tell
- Practice self-compassion
- Learn how to acclimate to your new reality without your ex-spouse
- Set healthy boundaries with your ex-spouse
- Try these 6 steps to unearth yourself and explore “Who am I now?”
- Identity crisis affects both men and women after a divorce
- Try the Conscious Coupling Process to create a more compassionate breakup process
Know that Allah (SWT) will bring ease for you after this hardship. “Verily, Along with Every Hardship is Ease” (Quran, 94:6). You can sieze this moment and learn more about how you can thrive after a divorce.
- Focus on the four “Ms” of mental health – mindfulness, mastery, movement and meaningful engagement
- A prophetic tradition, this simple habit of mindful meditation can allow you to be present with yourself both in mind and body, helping you to reduce your anxiety
- Consider the power of forgiveness or at least acceptance in helping you heal
- Take these 14 considerations into account when thinking about forgiveness
- Yasmin Mogahed gives insight on healing a broken heart
- Use your ‘iddah (waiting period) as your “me” time from Allah (swt) and a stepping stone to your new life
- Reframe your alone-ness as a tool for reflection, honesty and connection with Allah (SWT)
- You are not alone in this experience. Read about the causes and lessons from divorced Muslims as you reflect on your experience.
Recovery After a Divorce
Healing and rebuilding after your divorce
Recovering from a hurtful and abusive relationship takes time and healing. Check out these resources to help you navigate this specific journey:
- Recognize that you will have a lot of unlearning and rebuilding to do after you leave an unhealthy relationship
- Try these 5 self-care tips such as positive affirmations and channeling the pain into creativity
- Consider these tips to help you emotionally recover from an abusive relationship
- Consider the power of forgiveness when you are ready, not to excuse the abuser but rather, to work on letting go of your anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge so that you can prioritize your own healing
- Heal from gaslighting and learn how to trust yourself again.
Caring for Children After a Divorce
Helping children adjust and adapt
Recognize that divorce can have negative effects on your children. The resources below offer information about how to help your children cope.
- Get the facts on common misconceptions about divorcing with children
- Watch this video to help you understand what children go through in a divorce
- Know that a high-conflict divorce has negative effects on children
- Manage the effects of divorce on kids by paying attention to changes in their behaviors
- Your teen still needs you during this transition–learn how to help them adjust
- Learn how to meet the rights of children, such as their right to living in a conflict-free zone and to love each parent
The home environment and how you parent with your ex are two key factors in building resilience in your children and protecting them from the negative effects of divorce:
- Engage in healthy co-parenting with an ex by using a collaborative and cooperative approach:
- Use empathy and your child’s perspective
- Set clear boundaries and maintain structure
- Relinquish control and accept what’s happening
- Maintain your values and live from integrity
- Consider these dos and dont’s for forgiveness and transforming your co-parenting relationship
- Quality time with fathers post-divorce can redefine the father-child relationship
- Use this checklist to create a stable home environment for your children
- Follow these 7 rules to protect your children from marital conflict
- Set boundaries with the other parent to reduce conflict
- Try this parenting plan worksheet and this plan to outline parenting times, events, communication, and decision making.
- If you realize you cannot co-parent successfully, consider parallel parenting
- Here are some activity ideas to enhance the parent-child relationship in a divorce
- Check out this list of kids books about divorce
Managing Finances After a Divorce
How to manage the financial implications of a divorce
Financial stability is important for mental health and is a legitimate concern during the divorce process. Consider the following financial issues anytime throughout the process of divorce and even years later.
Educate Yourself
- Learn about the Islamic perspective on finances within a marriage.
- Be aware of the various things that impact how much a divorce can end up costing.
- Educate yourself on the process judges use to determine spousal support if you are going through the legal system.
- Learn how marital debts are split in U.S. courts.
- As a man, consider these 11 financial matters.
Refine Your Financial Skills
- Here is how to do a basic budget for your household
- Learn how to declutter your financial life.
- Try to adopt these 9 stress-reducing truths about money.
- Ready your finances for divorce by tracking expenses and organizing your financial documents and records.
- Learn how to make a post-divorce budget and survive financially
- Try this financial checklist for your remarriage.
- Consider how remarriage impacts child support.
Protect Yourself
- Know your financial rights in a divorce and how to protect your assets.
- Use these 5 strategies to save money on divorce attorney costs.
- Know how to protect yourself financially as a woman and avoid these pitfalls.
Divorce Later in Life
Divorce among couples above 50
“Your marriage is ending as your kids are leaving the house.”
Although divorce among couples over the age of 50 is still not as prevalent as for those under 50, it is rising and becoming a concern in our communities. Divorce in later-life comes with its own set of stigma and challenges but can end with good outcomes. Refer to this section for resources on navigating later-life divorces.
- Learn these 7 key facts about divorce after long marriages
- Look out for these emotional issues and how to cope
- Avoid these 10 financial mistakes
- You may be going through an identity crisis after the divorce – use this time as a chance to discover a new you!
Resources for Adult Children of Divorced/Divorcing Parents
Navigating your parents’ divorce as an adult child in a unique experience. Although you have strengths that work in your favor than those who experience divorce in childhood, there are negative aspects to the experience as well. With the resources listed below, and trust in Allah’s (SWT) will, you can rise above all the turmoil and find tranquility.
- Consider these 5 things you may face as an adult child of divorce
- Try these tips to cope with the emotional toll of your parents’ divorce
- Rely on these 5 strategies to help you get through your parents’ divorce
- Acknowledge your feelings no matter what they may be
- Set firm boundaries as your parents lean on you for support
- Seek help for yourself
- Prioritize self-care as you try to “parent your parents”
- Be kind to yourself and engage in self-compassion
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