Considering Remarriage
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What's on This Page
“I think I’m ready to remarry.”
Being open to remarriage happens over time, and comes with unique challenges compared to the first marriage. Use this section to equip yourself with the tools that lead to a successful second marriage and learn how to work on issues connected to a shaky second marriage. For more resources, check out The FYI’s Divorce Support Toolkit.
Readiness
Ask yourself these questions.
- “What’s motivating my desire to get married?”
- “Have I given myself enough time?”
- “Have we battled a storm together?”
- “What’s your relationship like with their ex or children?”
- “Are our finances compatible?”
- “Am I ready to be married again?”
- “Do I feel so lonely and desperate that I’m totally miserable without a relationship?”
The above questions are from theknot.com. You can also try this ready to remarry checklist for additional questions. For more resources to help you prepare for marriage, check out The FYI’s Marriage Prep Toolkit and Online Course.
Rules for a Successful Second Marriage
Tips for starting anew
- Build a culture of appreciation, respect, and tolerance
- Practice being vulnerable in small steps
- Create time and a relaxed atmosphere to interact with your partner
- Discuss expectations to avoid misunderstandings
- Prepare for conflict
- Communicate effectively
- Embrace your role as a stepparent (more on this below)
- Emotionally attune to your partner
- Establish an open-ended dialogue
- Practice forgiveness which is one of the fundamentals of marriage
These 10 Rules are from Gottman.com
- Learn to love again after emotional abuse by trying these strategies
- Uncover if you have trauma from your past relationship
- Recognize that past trauma can be triggered in your current relationship and learn how to cope with it
- Conflict can be triggering–accept that it’s a normal part of a relationship that can be managed
- Consider the power of forgiveness or at least acceptance in helping you heal and take these 14 considerations into account
- Bill of rights for survivors of domestic violence entering new relationships
Children and Step-Parenting
Parenting through a second marriage
Create a healthy faith-based blended family in your new marriage. It may seem counterintuitive but prioritizing your new spouse and establishing your marital relationship as the foundation of your blended family is what kids need:
- Think through these unique challenges facing a blended family before you remarry
- Follow these fundamental tips for success in your step-family
- Understand the role of a step-parent and the relationships he/she has to navigate:
- Relationship with your step-child
- Relationship with your spouse regarding the child
- Relationship with your spouse’s ex-husband or ex-wife
- Use these guidelines about factors that impact being a step-parent and steps to great step-parenting
- Increase healthy communication by asking your spouse these 9 questions about his/her kids
- Learn the basics and rewards of how to be a step-parent, and how to ensure it goes smoothly
Recognize the impact a second marriage has on children and how to create the best situation for them:
- Children can experience mixed feelings, sense of loss, and have trouble adapting to new things when you remarry
- The ability of children to adjust depends on their age
- Consider these strategies unique to step-parenting a teen
- Children also face challenges such as:
- Relationship between child and stepparent
- Relationship between child and stepsiblings
- Visitation and parenting plans
- Grief and loss after divorce
Here’s how you can create the best circumstances for your children when remarrying and blending your families- Let children know how important they are and how much you love them
- Don’t “compensate” for this rough time by spoiling your child
- Become a “kindly neighbor” to your stepchildren – get to know them
- Discipline does not mean anger
- Don’t favor your child; don’t favor your stepchild
- The key is patience. Consider therapy for emotional difficulties
- Be inspired to have a healthy relationship with your ex by these 5 divorced fathers
Additional Resources
Click here for more.
- Why Your Second Marriage Is Shaky And How To Fix It
National Step-Family Resource Center - You’re not damaged goods, we have damaged standards
- When your ex has someone new
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