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Considering Remarriage

Considering Remarriage

“I think I’m ready to remarry.”

Being open to remarriage happens over time, and comes with unique challenges compared to the first marriage. Use this section to equip yourself with the tools that lead to a successful second marriage and learn how to work on issues connected to a shaky second marriage. For more resources, check out The FYI’s Divorce Support Toolkit.

Readiness

  • “What’s motivating my desire to get married?”
  • “Have I given myself enough time?”
  • “Have we battled a storm together?”
  • “What’s your relationship like with their ex or children?”
  • “Are our finances compatible?”
  • “Am I ready to be married again?”
  • Do I feel so lonely and desperate that I’m totally miserable without a relationship?”

The above questions are from theknot.com. You can also try this ready to remarry checklist for additional questions. For more resources to help you prepare for marriage, check out The FYI’s Marriage Prep Toolkit and Online Course.

 

Rules for a Successful Second Marriage

Considering Remarriage

  • Build a culture of appreciation, respect, and tolerance
  • Practice being vulnerable in small steps
  • Create time and a relaxed atmosphere to interact with your partner
  • Discuss expectations to avoid misunderstandings
  • Prepare for conflict
  • Communicate effectively
  • Embrace your role as a stepparent (more on this below)
  • Emotionally attune to your partner
  • Establish an open-ended dialogue
  • Practice forgiveness which is one of the fundamentals of marriage

These 10 Rules are from Gottman.com

Considering Remarriage

Children and Step-Parenting

Considering RemarriageCreate a healthy faith-based blended family in your new marriage. It may seem counterintuitive but prioritizing your new spouse and establishing your marital relationship as the foundation of your blended family is what kids need:

Recognize the impact a second marriage has on children and how to create the best situation for them:

  • Children can experience mixed feelings, sense of loss, and have trouble adapting to new things when you remarry
  • The ability of children to adjust depends on their age
  • Consider these strategies unique to step-parenting a teen
  • Children also face challenges such as:
  • Relationship between child and stepparent
  • Relationship between child and stepsiblings
  • Visitation and parenting plans
  • Grief and loss after divorce
  • Considering RemarriageHere’s how you can create the best circumstances for your children when remarrying and blending your families
  • Let children know how important they are and how much you love them
  • Don’t “compensate” for this rough time by spoiling your child
  • Become a “kindly neighbor” to your stepchildren – get to know them
  • Discipline does not mean anger
  • Don’t favor your child; don’t favor your stepchild
  • The key is patience. Consider therapy for emotional difficulties
  • Be inspired to have a healthy relationship with your ex by these 5 divorced fathers

Additional Resources

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Zakat eligibility of The FYI

The Family & Youth Institute, or The FYI, is a well-known Muslim organization in the United States. It works to promote mental health and wellness by strengthening and empowering individuals, families, and communities through research and education. It has been working for many years to bring Islamic perspectives to understanding and promoting mental health in our communities.

It is dedicated to serving and supporting Muslims – safeguarding our deen, our families, and our future generations. Therefore, the work of The FYI comes in the category of ‘fi sabeelillah’ or the Path of Allah, within the eight categories where Zakat money can be used.

Zakah expenditures are only for the poor and for the needy and for those employed for it and for bringing hearts together [for Islam] and for freeing captives [or slaves] and for those in debt and for the cause of Allah, and for the [stranded] traveler – an obligation [imposed] by Allah, And Allah, is Knowing and Wise.”
(Al-Tawbah 9:60)

According to scholars who widen the meaning of fee sabeelillah to include any activities that promote Islamic growth, The FYI is indeed eligible to receive part of the Zakat funds for its programs and services. I urge Muslims in America to support this organization through their donations, general charity, and through their Zakat. I ask Allah swt to strengthen and guide The FYI to continue its good work in supporting Muslims.

Shaikh Ali Suleiman Ali, PhD

About Shaikh Ali

Sh. Ali Suleiman Ali was born in Ghana where he spent his childhood studying with various Muslim scholars. He then moved to Saudi Arabia and enrolled in the Islamic University of Madina.  He graduated with a degree in both Arabic and Islamic Studies. Dr. Ali went on to complete his Ph.D. in Islamic Studies at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.

Sh. Ali serves on the Advisory Council of The Family & Youth Institute. He is the Senior Imam and Director of the Muslim Community of Western Suburbs in Canton, Michigan. Additionally, he serves as the Director of Muslim Family Services in Detroit and is a council member of the Fiqh Council of North America (FCNA). He is also a member of the North American Imams Federation (NAIF) and the Association of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA).