Grief Support Toolkit
Grief is a natural part of life.
Grief is a natural response to loss of any kind, whether it’s the death of a loved one or the loss of a job or friendship. The Prophet (PBUH) allowed himself to experience various emotions as part of grieving over his loved ones, such as during the loss of his wife Khadija (RA), his uncle Abu Talib (RA), and his young children. If grief is not properly experienced, it can spiral into more severe mental health issues. Rather than suppressing our emotions during the grieving process, being able to grieve properly with support is the best way to move through the different emotions.
From The FYI: Resources on Grief
4 Ways Grief Shows Up on Eid and How to Cope
The holidays remind us of those we’ve lost. Here’s how to cope.
The FYI's Tragic Events Toolkit
This toolkit can help you and your family process grief after tragedy.
6 Tips To Support Someone Who Is Grieving This Eid
How we respond to grief can support or hinder healing.
How to Cope with Grief and Loss
“Losing someone or something you love or care deeply about is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you’re experiencing will never let up. These are normal reactions to a significant loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can renew you and permit you to move on.” (From HelpGuide.Org)
Understand the Grieving Process
Grief is a complicated process, unique for each individual and for each kind of loss. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve. Read this resource to understand the stages of grief as well as myths and symptoms of grieving.
Lean on Faith During the Grieving Process
- Feeling great sadness does not mean one is questioning Allah’s will. Even the Prophet (pbuh) cried after loss and went through the various stages of grief.
- Listen to this video about coping with the death of loved one video by Dr. Omar Suleiman.
- Understand the process of death from a Islamic perspective and what happens afterwards in this video series “For Those Left Behind” by Dr. Omar Suleiman
- Eid and special occasions can trigger a fresh wave of grief after the passing of a loved one. Learn how you can move through the grief when it shows up.
Coping Over Time: Long-Term Grief
Grief does not magically disappear after a loss. It triggers confusion, emotional, and physiological reactions in many different ways over time. Here are some things to consider as you cope with loss over time, year after year.
- This resource provides on how to continue on the path toward healing and how to cope with reminders of the loss.
- Try these ideas to cope with the anniversary of a loved one’s death.
- Holidays are a time of mixed emotions for those grieving a loved one. Think about these holiday survivorship skills or this tip sheet to take care of yourself during this vulnerable time.
- Recognize that there will be times when you are “stuck” in the grief process. This is normal and a part of the process. However, when you cannot move through it, you can start to display prolonged grief — learn what it is and how to get help if you find yourself struggling with it.
Thinking about therapy?
The FYI’s Therapy Guide can help.
Helping Others Through Grief
Most of us haven’t been taught what to say when someone we know is grieving, so it’s easy to fall back on platitudes and clichés. Here are suggestions for what to say instead to a parent, caregiver, or colleague through grief, loss, or bereavement.
Tips to Help Someone Who is Grieving
“It’s often hard to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. While you can’t take away the pain of the loss, you can provide much-needed comfort and support. There are many ways to help a grieving friend or family member, starting with letting the person know you care.” (From HelpGuide.Org)
Help someone who is grieving using these 5 steps:
- Understand the grieving process
- Know what to say and what NOT to say
- Offer practical assistance
- Provide ongoing support
- Watch for warning signs for depression
- Try these six common strategies for supporting a grieving family member or friend.
- Know that good grief support isn’t just a one time thing and learn how to provide ongoing support.
- Recognize what is helpful and what is hurtful to a parent grieving the loss of the their child.
- Use these 6 tips to support someone who is grieving on Eid or a special occasion.
Helping Children and Teens Cope with Grief and Death
Death overwhelms adults and childrens. Many times, young children may not understand what is going on and their parents find it difficult to explain death.
- The Do’s and Don’ts of Talking With a Child About Death
- How To Talk To Your Grade-Schooler About Death
Children experience the grief and anxiety that comes from loss in different ways at different stages in their developmental growth. Their outward manifestations may seem surprising if you don’t know what to expect.
- Know what grief looks like, how to talk about it and how to help children and teens cope with grief.
- How to help children cope with the death of a loved one.
- Understand these 10 basic principles of grieving for children and teenagers.
- Reference this tip sheet to support grieving siblings
Children experience the grief and anxiety that comes from loss in different ways at different stages in their developmental growth. Their outward manifestations may seem surprising if you don’t know what to expect. Use these activities to help guide your understanding and approach as you help children cope with death. Learn how to support children and teens at various ages using this chart as well as the following age-specific guides:
Teenagers have unique needs, especially when it comes to handling grief and recovering from incidents of loss. “If you know a teen who has experienced a death, you might be wondering, ‘How can I help?’ Here are some tips to keep in mind. In general, if you find yourself unsure of what to do or say, remember to take your cues from the teen. It’s likely that they know, or will be able to figure out, what they need.”
Dealing with Survivor's Guilt
Survivor’s guilt is a sense of deep guilt that comes when one survives something that others may not have. Major traumas such as war, natural disasters, and other violent events are common incidents associated with cases of survivor’s guilt. Oftentimes feelings of guilt and thoughts of what might have been different in another scenario play out in the mind of the person who is experiencing this type of trauma. Read more about survivor’s guilt, what it looks and feels like, and what to do to help yourself or someone you know who may be experiencing this.
Looking for more?
Resources for Mental Health Professionals
- Group Interventions for Treatment of Psychological Trauma: This academic paper discusses group interventions for the treatment of trauma in adolescents. The authors point out how to differentiate normative from problematic responses to trauma in adolescents. The authors also address the benefits of group interventions in treating adolescents, specifically adolescents who have suffered trauma together. And finally, it notes how to develop a workable group for treating adolescents who have suffered trauma. Click here for paper from The American Group Psychotherapy Association
- The FYI set out to create comprehensive and culturally specific resources addressing suicide risks, intervention, assessment, and prevention. This thorough resource includes information specific to teens, parents, survivors of suicide attempts, their families, survivors of suicide loss, a section for mental health professionals, imams, educators, and additional resources including infographics, videos, and help-lines. Check out The FYI’s Suicide Prevention Toolkit
Books and Websites About Grief
Islamic Children’s Books About Grief:
- Happily Ever Hereafter
- Hilmy the Hippo Learns About Death
- We will meet again in Jannah: What a great day that will be!
Other Books:
- Our House Book List
- A Hug From Heaven
- Something Very Sad Happened A Toddler’s guide to Understanding Death
- One Wave At a Time A Story About Grief and Healing
- What Happens When A Loved One Dies? Our First Talk About Death
- Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile, A Story About Coping with the Loss of a Parent
Childrens’ Books about Pregnancy/Infant Loss
- My Sibling Still
- We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead
- Something Happened: A Book for Children and Parents Who Have Experienced Pregnancy Loss
- No New Baby
Adult Books About Grief
- A Temporary Gift: Reflections on Love, Loss, and Healing
- A Place of Refuge
- Our House (Book List)
- Kara Grief (Book List)
Websites
- https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources
- https://kara-grief.org
- https://www.ourhouse-grief.org/grief-pages/
- https://healgrief.org
- https://whatsyourgrief.com
Child Loss:
This toolkit was developed by Mariam Kandil, M.A., Mariam Rahseed, and edited by Madiha Tahseen, PhD.
An update to this toolkit was generously funded by the
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