Parenting Your Children Through the Marriage Process
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- Parenting Your Children Through the Marriage Process
The resources below will highlight issues facing your marriage-aged children and how best to prepare and support them during their search for a spouse.
10 Tips For Parents With Marriage-Aged Children
Looking to support your child through the marriage process?
- Make duaa. Do not underestimate the power of your duaa as a parent. Ask Allah SWT to bless and guide your child towards what is best and to grant him/her a happy and loving marriage.
- Understand the proper application of this hadith and advise your child about the lessons to be learned from it. This hadith about women being married for four reasons is one that is often misunderstood by both parents and adult-children looking to get married.
- Befriend your child. Use this opportunity to learn more about your child and walk through the process with them, making sure to listen and understand where they are coming from and what they are seeking in a spouse. Share The FYI’s Marriage Prep Toolkit with them to help guide their process, as well as The FYI’s online marriage prep course if they choose to move forward with someone.
- Communication matters. Read this article to learn how family communication styles can impact the marriage process.
- Talk to your child before he/she begins the search for a partner. It is vital that you have honest and respectful conversations with your child about your (and his/her) expectations regarding courtship and an ideal mate. Ultimately, both the parents and their adult-children want each other to be happy. If you can articulate that to each other, it can result in more positive conversations.
- Learn how to share your own observations and experience about marriage without dismissing or undermining your child’s perspective. Know that this is their decision to make at the end of the day, but that there are ways to guide their decision.
- Give your child space and time to make a decision, as it can be a challenging and emotional experience. Avoid deadlines and ultimatums that pressure your child to make a hasty decision.
- Explore what unhealthy parental involvement looks like in a young couple’s marriage, and how it can severely hinder their ability to develop a thriving relationship.
- Seek support to help you understand what your role during this process should look like. As your child embarks on the journey towards marriage, you may be experiencing your own internal conflicts, dealing with unresolved issues, or be struggling to separate your worries and needs from that of your child’s.
- You may also struggle to understand generational or cultural differences and identify appropriate boundaries. Talk to other parents whose children have gotten married, consult a mentor in your community, or visit a counselor.
Use these questions to guide your conversations.
Ask your child these questions:
- What type of person do you hope to marry? Tell me more about why this is important to you.
- What do you think it means to be prepared for marriage?
- What role do you see me, as your parent, playing in the marriage process?
- How would you like to meet someone for marriage?
- If you are interested in someone, how would you proceed?
- What types of boundaries will you uphold before marriage?
- What are your thoughts about texting, phone calls, online, in-person meetings, etc.?
- How long do you feel the courting process should take?
- How will our family and a potential partner’s family get to know one another?
- If we don’t agree, how can we meet in the middle where we are both pleased
- What role do you see me playing in my life when you get married?
How to Best Support Your Children
Through Their Marriage Process
This conversation between Dr. Sameera Ahmed, PhD and Rafee Al-Mansur, LMFT focuses on societal changes in how people get married today and how this impacts Muslim communities. They also share tools for parents to navigate this process with their adult children.
How Family Communication Impacts the Marriage Process
When talking to family about marriage, poor communication or mismatched expectations can make things challenging. These tips can help.
Prepare to Pair
For the couple that’s courting, engaged, or ready to tie the knot.
Why Your Child Should Prepare For Marriage
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