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Parenting Your Children Through the Marriage Process

What's on This Page

The resources below will highlight issues facing your marriage-aged children and how best to prepare and support them during their search for a spouse. 

10 Tips For Parents With Marriage-Aged Children

Looking to support your child through the marriage process?
  1. Make duaa. Do not underestimate the power of your duaa as a parent. Ask Allah SWT to bless and guide your child towards what is best and to grant him/her a happy and loving marriage.
  2. Understand the proper application of this hadith and advise your child about the lessons to be learned from it. This hadith about women being married for four reasons is one that is often misunderstood by both parents and adult-children looking to get married.
  3. Befriend your child. Use this opportunity to learn more about your child and walk through the process with them, making sure to listen and understand where they are coming from and what they are seeking in a spouse. Share The FYI’s Marriage Prep Toolkit with them to help guide their process, as well as The FYI’s online marriage prep course if they choose to move forward with someone.
  4. Communication matters. Read this article to learn how family communication styles can impact the marriage process.
  5. Talk to your child before he/she begins the search for a partner. It is vital that you have honest and respectful conversations with your child about your (and his/her) expectations regarding courtship and an ideal mate. Ultimately, both the parents and their adult-children want each other to be happy. If you can articulate that to each other, it can result in more positive conversations.
  6. Learn how to share your own observations and experience about marriage without dismissing or undermining your child’s perspective. Know that this is their decision to make at the end of the day, but that there are ways to guide their decision.
  7. Give your child space and time to make a decision, as it can be a challenging and emotional experience. Avoid deadlines and ultimatums that pressure your child to make a hasty decision.
  8. Explore what unhealthy parental involvement looks like in a young couple’s marriage, and how it can severely hinder their ability to develop a thriving relationship.
  9. Seek support to help you understand what your role during this process should look like. As your child embarks on the journey towards marriage, you may be experiencing your own internal conflicts, dealing with unresolved issues, or be struggling to separate your worries and needs from that of your child’s.
  10. You may also struggle to understand generational or cultural differences and identify appropriate boundaries. Talk to other parents whose children have gotten married, consult a mentor in your community, or visit a counselor.

Parenting Your Children Through the Marriage Process

Ask your child these questions:

  • What type of person do you hope to marry? Tell me more about why this is important to you.
  • What do you think it means to be prepared for marriage?
  • What role do you see me, as your parent, playing in the marriage process?
  • How would you like to meet someone for marriage?
  • If you are interested in someone, how would you proceed?
  • What types of boundaries will you uphold before marriage?
  • What are your thoughts about texting, phone calls, online, in-person meetings, etc.?
  • How long do you feel the courting process should take?
  • How will our family and a potential partner’s family get to know one another?
  • If we don’t agree, how can we meet in the middle where we are both pleased
  • What role do you see me playing in my life when you get married?

How to Best Support Your Children
Through Their Marriage Process

This conversation between Dr. Sameera Ahmed, PhD and Rafee Al-Mansur, LMFT focuses on societal changes in how people get married today and how this impacts Muslim communities. They also share tools for parents to navigate this process with their adult children.

How Family Communication Impacts the Marriage Process

When talking to family about marriage, poor communication or mismatched expectations can make things challenging. These tips can help. 

Parenting Your Children Through the Marriage Process

Prepare to Pair

For the couple that’s courting, engaged, or ready to tie the knot.

Why Your Child Should Prepare For Marriage


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Zakat eligibility of The FYI

The Family & Youth Institute, or The FYI, is a well-known Muslim organization in the United States. It works to promote mental health and wellness by strengthening and empowering individuals, families, and communities through research and education. It has been working for many years to bring Islamic perspectives to understanding and promoting mental health in our communities.

It is dedicated to serving and supporting Muslims – safeguarding our deen, our families, and our future generations. Therefore, the work of The FYI comes in the category of ‘fi sabeelillah’ or the Path of Allah, within the eight categories where Zakat money can be used.

Zakah expenditures are only for the poor and for the needy and for those employed for it and for bringing hearts together [for Islam] and for freeing captives [or slaves] and for those in debt and for the cause of Allah, and for the [stranded] traveler – an obligation [imposed] by Allah, And Allah, is Knowing and Wise.”
(Al-Tawbah 9:60)

According to scholars who widen the meaning of fee sabeelillah to include any activities that promote Islamic growth, The FYI is indeed eligible to receive part of the Zakat funds for its programs and services. I urge Muslims in America to support this organization through their donations, general charity, and through their Zakat. I ask Allah swt to strengthen and guide The FYI to continue its good work in supporting Muslims.

Shaikh Ali Suleiman Ali, PhD

About Shaikh Ali

Sh. Ali Suleiman Ali was born in Ghana where he spent his childhood studying with various Muslim scholars. He then moved to Saudi Arabia and enrolled in the Islamic University of Madina.  He graduated with a degree in both Arabic and Islamic Studies. Dr. Ali went on to complete his Ph.D. in Islamic Studies at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.

Sh. Ali serves on the Advisory Council of The Family & Youth Institute. He is the Senior Imam and Director of the Muslim Community of Western Suburbs in Canton, Michigan. Additionally, he serves as the Director of Muslim Family Services in Detroit and is a council member of the Fiqh Council of North America (FCNA). He is also a member of the North American Imams Federation (NAIF) and the Association of Muslim Jurists of America (AMJA).